Everything begins with something small – a seed, often times a seed of hope. I remember back almost 20 years ago now when I began to do the work that led to my awakenings. There was someone talking like he knew what it was like to be down, out and completely hopeless like I was. I’d heard people say the right words before but this was different, there was something intangible that I couldn’t place, a feeling that perhaps, this man had once been where I was now, which was mentally and emotionally bankrupt. He spoke of hope, he said that I didn’t have to live the way I was living anymore and that there was another way.
He swore to me with all the conviction he had that there was happiness to have and that I could attain it.
My first instinct was complete and utter fear. I could feel the Truth in what he was saying. I could tell it was going to be more difficult than anything I’d ever done before and there was a serious decision to make. Would I take this glimmer of hope and lean into it through all the fear? Or would I die? It may seem like an easy choice to many but you see, I had already given up and was welcoming death, actually praying for it to a God I didn’t believe in. So, to take this glimmer of hope, I needed to put my death wish on hold to attempt another way and after all my suffering and failures, this was not an easy decision.
What I now had that made the difference was hope. A slight glimmer that maybe, possibly, if I were lucky and the wind blew the right way, perhaps I would be able to have what I saw in this man – a life worth living. That hope was all I had. I didn’t have a plan, I couldn’t comprehend how it was going to work, I didn’t understand what I was doing or how I was going to do it. My mental capacity as well as my body were severely damaged by drug and alcohol abuse but I had that glimmer of hope – and that was enough.
What I just said sounds extreme but often times when we are at a crossroads in life, the core of our decision making comes down to either going with the hope that things can be better or not. It’s that simple. The Truth is things can ALWAYS be better. We live in an ever-changing reality; nothing stays the same and this too shall pass. All we need to do is to latch onto that tiny spark of hope and take the first step towards what we want to change. After that, catch your breath and take the second step.
You don’t have to be able to see how it plays out and in fact you won’t be able to see how it plays out, that’s not how it works. That’s a trick to keep you stuck. You see, your egoic mind is trying to protect you from experiencing suffering so it tries to see into the future examining every step along the way to make sure you won’t suffer and it’ll all work out wonderful. However, the ego doesn’t understand that it’s impossible to see into the future and all it’s doing is keeping you stuck in your present level of suffering. You have to let go and begin. Stop looking for the perfect path and latch onto the only thing you need – hope. The hope that maybe, possibly, if the creek don’t rise and stars line up just right, perhaps things might get better, maybe. That’s it, that’s all it takes. The faith of a mustard seed, the smallest spark can start the largest fire!
So look for your spark of hope, talk to people so they can help you find it or simply go deep inside where it resides and open to it. When you find it, embrace it, hold it dear and know that it’s the only thing you need; it’s that powerful! From here you can take the first step and the rest will unfold as it needs to. I’ve seen the light of hope ignite in many dark eyes over the years. If can happen for me and countless others, surely there’s a chance it can happen for you!